Fill My Void
by wanderingquill21
Summary: Draco and Pansy after the final battle, characterized in five drabbles.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter.

 **Word Count:** 397

 **Notes:**

 **The 5 Drabbles Competition Round 4:** Prompt Used—fear

Draco stared at the menacing grey smoke swirling upward in the distance, smoke that he knew marked the now-quiet ruins of the school. His parents clung to one another silently behind him, marveling in the fact that their small family had made it through this ordeal alive. Beside him, Pansy clutched his elbow, her face a mixture of shock and pain. She'd found him as he and his parents had quietly slipped away while the defenders of Hogwarts celebrated, and no words had been necessary for her to explain her intentions; Draco had extended a hand wordlessly, and she had equally wordlessly accepted, grasping his hand tightly and falling into step beside him as they hurried into the steadily brightening dawn.

Now, with the sun bearing down on their backs, the four of them had paused in sudden mutual agreement for one last look back at the world they'd known burning behind them. A quiet, pregnant moment passed in which the four came to their own individual realizations that the nightmare of the past few months was over—and a new one was just beginning; for there were no comfortable days of lounging at Malfoy Manor in their future. The wizarding world had united against them, and they had fallen—and until the dust settled, there was no way of knowing how far. Draco didn't need to ask his parents to know that they would want to go into hiding, to put as much distance between themselves, the Order, and Azkaban as possible until matters calmed.

He didn't need to ask Pansy if she was coming with them, either; her decision had been made from the moment she reached back for his hand. But he glanced down at her anyway, expecting to see the top of her dark hair and surprised to find that her pale face was tilted up to look at him, her eyes searching as they locked onto his own.

"What now, Draco?" she asked, a touch of fear coloring her voice. "What do we do now?" All at once, the uncertainty of their future came crashing down on him, the knowledge that they would be hiding in the shadows, glancing fearfully over their shoulders for Aurors or Order members or _anyone_ who'd had a family member killed by a Death Eater washing over him with terrifying clarity.

"I dunno, Pansy," he finally answered.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter.

 **Word Count:** 397

 **Notes:**

 **The 5 Drabbles Competition Round 4:** Prompt Used—heal

Pansy restlessly rolled over in the lumpy bed, trying to ignore the pale fluorescent light that poured in their cracked window from the flickering streetlamp outside. Sighing, she laid on her back, hands folding over her stomach as she stared up at the ceiling, eyes tracing over the stains and listlessly trying to imagine different animals or pictures or shapes those stains could be. She played this game every few nights when her swirling maze of thoughts prevented her from drifting off, hoping that by distracting herself with something so utterly mundane as the dark stains that patterned the area above her, she'd eventually fall asleep.

It hadn't quite worked yet, and Pansy found her thoughts dwelling as they often did on that final battle—the terrible screams of friend and foe alike as she'd darted through the castle, the fear, anger, and loathing written on the faces of people she'd thought she knew as they cast hex after curse at one another, the horrifying realization that she couldn't rely even on those she considered her friends as brother turned against brother, the boundaries of friendship and loyalty falling away in the chaos.

The experience had left her riddled with nightmares, and Pansy tried to force her thoughts on to something else to prevent another one from happening tonight. The walls were thin, and they couldn't afford to have the neighbors complain over her yelling again; there were only so many places they could afford as they no longer had the vast Malfoy wealth to support them while hiding from the wrath of the Ministry.

Shifting onto her side, Pansy bumped against Draco's still form, wincing as he grunted and rolled towards her, his lashes fluttering open. "Wha's wrong?" he asked sleepily.

"Nothing, sorry, go back to sleep," Pansy whispered, rubbing his arm as he grunted his acknowledgment and rolled back over. She wrapped an arm around his chest, scooting closer to him and resting her face against his back as she closed her eyes and tried again for sleep. Despite their terrible apartment and constant fear of being caught, Pansy was glad that she and Draco had one another to heal the scars left behind from their ordeal. She didn't think she'd ever have felt whole again without him.

As she drifted off, she didn't notice as Draco slowly edged away, leaving a void between them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter.

 **Word Count:** 398

 **Notes:**

 **The 5 Drabbles Competition Round 4:** Prompt Used—thestrals

Pansy was incredibly nervous. Thick, coiled tendrils of anxiety roiled in her stomach as she stepped off the scarlet train, the steam hissing behind her. She clutched her handbag in one hand, reaching for Draco's hand with her other as she heard him step down behind her.

"They're staring at us," she hissed at him as they started to weave through the crowd, making their way to the carriages.

She heard him huff impatiently beside her. "No, they aren't," he whispered back through clenched teeth, his face a blank mask—though she knew him well enough to know that particular expression was how he hid his fear. "They're not looking at us at all."

They were both right, to an extent: the sea of students before them contained a mixture of people regarding them suspiciously and ones who ignored them entirely. It had been only a bit over a year since the final battle, and Pansy's insistence that she and Draco finish their schooling was the only reason they'd come out of hiding. After a nail-biting bout of exchanging owls with Hogwarts's new Headmistress, they'd finally been assured that their behaviors during the Dark Lord's rise had been forgiven as adolescent foolishness. Draco had been entirely wary at first, but the lack of Aurors at the platform had done much to reassure him that they weren't being set up—though he still insisted his parents remain hidden away.

But though they hadn't been accosted by a single person, Pansy had noticed Draco becoming more and more tense throughout the train ride until he was positively _brimming_ with nervous energy as they approached the carriages.

Her worries for his health were nearly forgotten, though, as she noticed the spindly, almost horrifyingly ugly creatures that were attached to the normally horseless carriages. "What are _those_?" she asked, revolted, before she remembered a certain Care of Magical Creatures lesson from their fifth year and her mind put a name to the ugly beings— _thestrals._ Remembering the stipulation for being able to see the creatures, Pansy flinched. She turned to Draco, hoping for a reassurance before she realized she no longer felt his cold fingers in hers. Glancing behind her, she saw a white-blond head bobbing quickly through the crowd, heading as swiftly as it could toward the train—and away from the black creatures whose very presence spoke of death.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter.

 **Word Count:** 400

 **Notes:**

 **The 5 Drabbles Competition Round 4:** Prompt Used—"just pretend to care"

Pansy stood with her back to the door, numbly chopping the vegetables. She didn't notice as a couple of tears streaked down her face, dripping onto the unevenly cut pieces below. Mechanically, she finished off the batch, tipping the vegetables into a waiting bowl and reaching for the oil she'd set out. Her hand crashed into the glass jar, and it rolled off the countertop and smashed onto the floor below, the shards of glass and splashes of oil glinting in the misleadingly cheery lighting.

Her eyes fluttering closed in defeat, Pansy leaned forward to rest her elbows on the counter, leaning her head into her hands, shoulder shaking. She remained this way until she heard the click of a key turning in the lock. She didn't bother to look up as the door creaked open, hearing a loud sigh as the door was closed once more.

"Again, Pansy?" Draco's voice sounded exasperated and annoyed as his footsteps stomped closer. She felt his hand grasp her shoulder, and she pulled her face out of her palms to glare at him. He cursed softly as he noticed the tear streaks on her face. "I thought we were _past_ this." His brow furrowed in a mixture of anger and irritation that rallied a similar response in Pansy, the first time she'd felt anything other than uncaring all day.

"You could just _pretend_ to care, Draco!" she cried angrily. "We're never going to have children—doesn't that _bother_ you?" She pushed past him, stalking to their bedroom and slamming and locking the door behind her.

"Oh, that's right, just run off like you always do," Draco called heatedly, his voice muffled through the door. "It's been _months_ , Pansy! Can't we move past this already?" She heard him pounding against their door. She whirled around, opening the door, white-faced with anger.

"Did you ever even _want_ a family, Draco? Did you ever picture that for us? Or was I just some girl who happened to come along when you and your parents ran away?" she hissed at him. His eyes narrowed.

"Of course I wanted a family," he said furiously. "But since you _can't bear children,_ Pansy, you need to move on! It's over, you're _never_ going to have a child, and there's nothing we can do about it!"

Pansy relished the shocked look on his pale face as she slammed the door again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter.

 **Word Count:** 400

 **Notes:**

 **The 5 Drabbles Competition Round 4:** Prompt Used—"Dream Within a Dream" by Edgar Alan Poe

Yet if hope has flown away

In a night, or in a day,

In a vision, or in none,

Is it therefore the less _gone_?

 _All_ that we see or seem

Is but a dream within a dream.

Pansy woke up and stretched, rubbing the grit from her eyes. It was still dark, the first quiet streams of sunlight dancing in through the slits of the blinds, a few birdsongs welcoming the arrival of the sun. She rolled over, wondering what had woken her and landed in the sagging, empty space where her husband used to lay.

Though it had been months since their fight, they rarely spoke and it wasn't unusual for him to seek refuge elsewhere, leaving her to fall asleep alone. The nightmares had stagnated in his absence, getting neither better nor worse, and Pansy had begun feeling horribly as though the clock that ticked away their lives had frozen, sealing them in this uncomfortable dance of anger, longing, and sadness.

Hearing the sound of soft footsteps followed by the click of the door stealthily being shut, Pansy pushed herself up. Where was he going at this hour? Turning to the window, she pried the slits apart, peeking through them. The back of a white-blonde head glinted in the dim sunlight, walking steadily away from the apartment, from Pansy. A suitcase was clutched in one pale hand as he made his way to a black Suburban idling on the curb. As he opened the door, Pansy caught a glimpse of matching blonde hair before he slid in and closed the door between them.

Pansy expected to feel empty; or perhaps to feel angry, to rail at the uncaring walls about his cowardice for running to his parents without so much as a farewell, slipping away in the first rays of dawn like a thief in the night. Instead, her head felt somehow clearer, as though a long, drawn-out nightmare had suddenly ended. She'd thought they belonged together, that finding each other after the battle was a sign that they could heal one another; but instead, it had been a horrible reminder of all they'd suffered, of the stigma they'd have to endure the rest of their lives for their crimes. But now, with him gone, the horrible dream was fading - as dreams often do - and Pansy laid back down, falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.


End file.
